Don't Go There, Girlfriend!
by Ashley C
Summary: *Now with part 2!* MWPP-L version!! More un-rhyming poems, a beauty contest, and Lupin loses lotsa money!!!
1. Current Times.....

"Don't Go There, Girlfriend!" 

A/N: Really simple, stupid plot (suddenly, there's a plot? I wasn't informed…): the Hogwarts kids start arguing about who's the best character… 

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Our story begins somewhat normally. Kids are studying and practicing a boirng poem (that doesn't rhyme, mind you) that they had to perform for the Ministry in the library. 

"Okay, let's try it one more time," Professor McGonagall cries out suddenly. Groaning, the kids stood in their postions and began to speak: 

"At the school of Hogwarts, there were four special Houses. There were—" 

"GRYFFINDORS!" shouted all the Gryffindors.

"AND SLYTHERINS!" yelled the Slytherins. 

"THERE WERE HUFFLEPUFFS!" 

"AND RAVENCLAWS!" 

"But who's actually the greatest character of them all?" asked Draco Malfoy, wanting to proove a point. 

Professor McGonagall was not pleased. 

"_This is not in the program!" _she hissed. 

They ignored her. 

"Well, I'm Harry Potter, the main character. If it weren't for _me _you guys wouldn't exist!" 

"Kill me now, then!" shouted Draco angrily. "I'm Draco Malfoy, and I'm rich. Everybody likes me, especially the fanfic authors."

"No wonder a great amount of the fanfics devoted to us suck," Ron exclaimed. "I'm Ron Weasley, and I'm funny!" 

"And this opinion would be… whose?" asked Ernie MacMillan. "I'm Ernie MacMillan, and I'm descended from lotsa purebloods." 

"And we wonder why the quality of purebloods has been reduced," said Ginny Weasley sarcastically. "I'm Ginny Weasley, and I'm the only girl in my family." 

"And you're flaunting this?" questioned Hannah Abbott. "I'm Hannah Abbott, and if you turn my name around backwards, it's still my name!" 

"Aren't we special?" asked Hermione Granger in a high, sarcastic voice. "I'm Hermione Granger, and I'm a really smart student!" 

"Don't go there girlfriend!" said Cho Chang. "I'm Cho Chang, and I'm the Ravenclaw seeker! Plus I'm really hot!" 

"Like I'm not?" asked Parvati shrilly. "I'm Parvati Patil, and I had a nameless twin for three years!" 

"That's a good thing?" Terry Boot asked disbelievingly. "I'm Terry Boot, and nobody ever mentions me! I'M NOT LOVED!" *He starts sobbing*

"Aww, little baby want his hanky? I'm Lavender Brown, and most people consider me a ditz!" 

The room is silent for a minute. 

"Oookay, Ditz Queen. I'm Cedric Diggory, and I'm really dead!" 

"Oh Cedric Cedric!" cried Cho.

"Cho!"  
"Cedric!" 

"Cho!" 

"Cedric!  
"Cho!"  
"Ced—" 

"OKAY!" screams the whole school. 

"You should have stayed in the grave!" insisted Dean Thomas. "We were much better off that way! I'm Dean Thomas, and I draw good!" 

"MATTER OF OPINION!" screamed Susan Bones. "I'm Susan Bones, and supposedly I died, but I'm not really sure."

"COOL! We're Crabbe and Goyle, and we do Malfoy's bidding." 

"I feel bad for you, really I do—NOT! I'm Seamus Finnigan, and I think I'm Irish!" 

"HEY!" said Professor McGonagall, who was finally getting into the game. "What about JK?" 

"JK, JK, JK," said all the kids in hushed voices hailing JK sarcastically. 

"So who's the greatest?" asked JK in a sniffy voice. 

"I AM!" they all shouted in unison. 

~Finis~  
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A/N: Told you so. It is stupid. I really had to do this with my class in front of the school board, just we acted as characters that we had to write reports on (Hermione's "Aren't we special?" was my sarcastic part). Hope you enjoyed the stupidity. 

Disclaimer: All belongs to all! 


	2. In The Past.....

Don't Go There, Girlfriend! 2!!

A/N: I realized that the 1st part of this was one of my best fics (I guess, from the number of reviews—thanks! J ) and so I decided to do this…. More un-rhyming poems, sarcastic remarks, and all around show-offs. So go on! READ!

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Lily Potter looked down from the mass of clouds in Heaven, where she now was. She was deeply insulted. There were copycats down there! Including her _own son!!! _Oh, the shame! 

You see, her son's classmates and her son were doing a performance. It started out as a poem….just like the performance Lily was thinking of. Then it turned into something much, much more. JUST LIKE THE ONE SHE WAS THINKING OF!!! 

James, her husband, joined her at the High Cloud where you could watch people. "Whatcha looking at, Lil'?" he asked. 

"**_That!" _**she spat, pointing. James grinned. 

"Ah. Remember, Lily? Remember?" 

Lily sniffed. "Yes, of course I remember! It was in our seventh year…" 

***

"Sirius! You are NOT supposed to be there!" 

"Sorry, professor!" Sirius shuffeled around. 

"Now, one, two—" Professor McGonagall started. But her students were way ahead of her. 

"Once upon a time!" said some girls quietly. 

"There were two gals!" yelled the boys, laughing. Sirius had picked up two girls over his shoulder: Janna Morason and Sophie Sanman, who were screaming and giggling. 

"And two guys!" shouted the girls over the racket. Lily tried to pick up James, but only ended up raising his hand and laughing hysterically. 

"Who had all the same dreams!" 

"But who was really the best founder?" screamed Sirius over giggling and Janna and Sophie hitting him. 

"Gryffindor was definitely the best!" said James, trying to be calm. 

"Hell no!" shouted Snape. "It had to be Slytherin. All that power and—"

"Over my dead body!" Annie Winston yelled back. "It was Ravenclaw, the smart one. Well, I'll bet it was her idea!" 

"Nu-uh!" said Chrissy Andrews lamely. "It was Hufflepuff. She was real pretty!"

"I'm a lot prettier than Hufflepuff!" said Andrea Chestman, a conceited Slytherin. "Why, I'll bet I'm the prettiest girl in the world!" 

"What would they be judging against?" asked Lily smartly. "A frog? I'm prettier than you!" 

"I don't think so!" shouted Chrissy. "_I'm _prettier than all of you!"

"WHAT?!" demanded Andrea and Lily. 

"That's what my daddy says," said Chrissy. 

"Well, I don't know about pretty," said James. "I'm thinking middle class." 

Chrissy started to cry. 

Sirius started laughing. "I'm getting a new Giant Motorbike after I graduate," he bragged. "And I'm gonna bewitch it to _fly!" _

"That's impossible!" scoffed Snape. "I get the best grades outta all of you in Potions! I'll bet I'll be the Potions teacher later on!" 

"THAT'S a laugh!" shouted Lupin, cracking up. "Sirius'll get his flying bike before YOU teach!" 

"You bet I will!" 

Meanwhile, the girls were still having a beauty contest. With James and Sirius judging, Lily was so far winning, but Natalie McGregor was close. 

"Now for the ultimate test!" Sirius shouted. "Lingerie!" 

Lily and Natalie got out their book bags and attacked. 

"Kidding! Kidding!" came Sirius' muffled voice (Natalie had tied a large scarf around his mouth). 

Over with the boys (minus two) Lucius Malfoy and Remus Lupin were making a bet at what would happen first: Snape being Potions Master or Sirius getting his flying motorbike. 

"Seventeen Galleons on Potions!" shouted Lucius. 

"Twenty Galleons on Motorbike!" shot back Lupin. 

"Twenty-five!" 

"THIRTY!"

"FORTY FIVE!" 

(Now we know where all Lupin's money went). 

"SEVENTY SEVEN GALLEONS, TWENTY SIX SICKLES, AND EIGHTEEN KNUTS!" Lupin finally screamed. "And that's my FINAL OFFER!" 

"You're on!" 

"Hey, James!" called Lupin. "Can I borrow 18 Knuts?" 

"I'm **_not _**wearing a bathing suit!" yelled Natalie. 

"Why not?" asked Sirius. "'I think you'd look sexy…" 

"SIRIUS!!!!!" 

"THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!" screeched Professor McGonagall finally. "DETENTION, ALL OF YOU!" 

Groaning and grumbling, they stopped. 

***

"Those were the days…" said Lily, sighing. 

***

A/N: Well, wasn't that cute? A little different from the other ones, but oh well. 

Review, please?? 

Most characters belong to J.K.R. Anyone you don't recognize probably belongs to me. 

Thanks to All Reviewers for Part 1: 

Em

Hermione 

Cool

Cho

Jisuka 

Suicidal Sky Walker (Sorry, I can't do your symbols…but it's very cool J )

Aragog 

GinnyWeasley

AliceWeazley (Score! Favorites List!!!) 

An Invisible Tomorrow (too much sugar!)

Fifi Lala

RoseofGryffindor

Sjdhgksyg 

Nori

KNA

Charli M.

H Weasley

~FleurHartz~

Malfoy's Girlfriend

Julie

Kibee (what an interesting name!)

Hildägard

Shipcommander (I'm a 6th grade kid)

***Special Thanks to:***

Demon_Child & Hermione19 who inspired me to do this with their reviews J


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